Saturday, July 31, 2004
I feel that some form of explanation is required for each of these, why I wrote it and so forth.
This first one I wrote because well... I have feelings for two people. Inside myself I really can't make up my mind which I like more, they both appeal to different parts of me. The problem is one of them lives far away and the other one lives here. That sways things some. But not enough to make this a clear decision on my part. Hell I'm not even certain that there is a decision to make. So I wrote this poem just to get out my feelings for both of these people. I don't know if either of them likes me enough to go out with me even. It's all up in the air and I have no clue where things are coming down and there are lies and half-truths floating around on one person (the one here). So *shrugs* here's the poem, enjoy. (No I'm not telling you who it's about. If you can guess, fine. I'm not telling one way or another.)
One or the Other(July 31st 2004)
I'll admit it now
In the darkness of a long night
Under the pale moonlight we both love
Yes I still dream of you
Still dream of you, my love
Dream of a time when I was happy
Happy when I was with you
Of being with you, yes I still dream
And maybe I said I hated you
Hated you for what other's said you did
But anger and hatred fade so quickly
Fade quickly from the love in my heart
And now my heart tells me of you
My heart says I need you
I need you and I want you
But what am I to do
Distance I can avoid
But I cannot avoid your feelings
Feelings stronger for another and mine
These feelings of mine for another
Another dilemna for me to ponder
Ponder between you and another
Which of these feelings among each other
Which of these is stronger?
I don't know
And it probably doesn't matter
If history is to be believed
I can never have one nor the other
Yeah it's a kind of sad poem. Back to my old style for a little bit, it's what I'm feeling right now though so don't bitch. I left the ending hanging because I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Probably just going to ask the person here for several reasons. She's here and I doubt the other person will say yes (hey I can be wrong but I'm usually right.)
Alright, second poem is about the person here. It explains a lot of the problems with her. Again I'm not telling who it's about.
Don't(July 31st, 2004)
Quit lying, I beg of thee
To me and to thee
Imagine what there is to be gained
Not how far you can fall from the top
Believe in the bonds which bind us
Don't give in to fear
Don't bow to the pain
Don't let it win
Don't give up before you begin
Hold on to your feelings
Hold on to life
Believe in me and my feelings
Don't close your eyes to hide
Live in the light as I do
Instead of hiding in the dark
Believe in yourself
You can handle the pain
Quit lying to yourself
And show me what you feel.
It's perhaps more happy than the first. This is pretty much what I want to say to the person here. Even if we don't end up together, helping her is worthwhile.
Anyways, that's it for today. Later.
This first one I wrote because well... I have feelings for two people. Inside myself I really can't make up my mind which I like more, they both appeal to different parts of me. The problem is one of them lives far away and the other one lives here. That sways things some. But not enough to make this a clear decision on my part. Hell I'm not even certain that there is a decision to make. So I wrote this poem just to get out my feelings for both of these people. I don't know if either of them likes me enough to go out with me even. It's all up in the air and I have no clue where things are coming down and there are lies and half-truths floating around on one person (the one here). So *shrugs* here's the poem, enjoy. (No I'm not telling you who it's about. If you can guess, fine. I'm not telling one way or another.)
One or the Other(July 31st 2004)
I'll admit it now
In the darkness of a long night
Under the pale moonlight we both love
Yes I still dream of you
Still dream of you, my love
Dream of a time when I was happy
Happy when I was with you
Of being with you, yes I still dream
And maybe I said I hated you
Hated you for what other's said you did
But anger and hatred fade so quickly
Fade quickly from the love in my heart
And now my heart tells me of you
My heart says I need you
I need you and I want you
But what am I to do
Distance I can avoid
But I cannot avoid your feelings
Feelings stronger for another and mine
These feelings of mine for another
Another dilemna for me to ponder
Ponder between you and another
Which of these feelings among each other
Which of these is stronger?
I don't know
And it probably doesn't matter
If history is to be believed
I can never have one nor the other
Yeah it's a kind of sad poem. Back to my old style for a little bit, it's what I'm feeling right now though so don't bitch. I left the ending hanging because I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Probably just going to ask the person here for several reasons. She's here and I doubt the other person will say yes (hey I can be wrong but I'm usually right.)
Alright, second poem is about the person here. It explains a lot of the problems with her. Again I'm not telling who it's about.
Don't(July 31st, 2004)
Quit lying, I beg of thee
To me and to thee
Imagine what there is to be gained
Not how far you can fall from the top
Believe in the bonds which bind us
Don't give in to fear
Don't bow to the pain
Don't let it win
Don't give up before you begin
Hold on to your feelings
Hold on to life
Believe in me and my feelings
Don't close your eyes to hide
Live in the light as I do
Instead of hiding in the dark
Believe in yourself
You can handle the pain
Quit lying to yourself
And show me what you feel.
It's perhaps more happy than the first. This is pretty much what I want to say to the person here. Even if we don't end up together, helping her is worthwhile.
Anyways, that's it for today. Later.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Alright. There is a lot of new poetry so watch the dates carefully! Don't get thinking things are going on which aren't or I'm writing about people I'm not. Some of this is crap, but some of this is pretty good as well. Later
Lonely Nights (June 8th 2004)
I miss you
Lonely nights spent dreaming
That you are beside me
Asleep in my arms
So beautiful in the moonlight
I need you
Lonely nights spent wanting
You right beside me
To hold me, reassure me
Yes this is real
I want you
Lonely nights spent dreaming
Of nights full of fantasy
Full of passion, of warmth
Just you and I together
I care for you
Lonely nights spent knowing
You're alone and cold
Wishing I could be there
To warm your heart
I miss you
I need you
I want you
I care for you
You, my dear, my dream
Who grows more dear
With each passing day
What more can I say
Except
I love you
Now and forever
Until the end of time
All through my lonely nights
This is my solemn vow
Here Without You (June 8th, 2004)
Raindrops fall on my pane
As I sit and stare into the rain
Can't conceal my pain
As I dream of my dame
I curse every mile
That lies between us
Even through I smile
I miss you just the same
I cannot bear to wait
Till I lay eyes on you again
Wanting to see if fate
Will let me remain sane
Cursing every mile
Every moment without you
I lie here and smile
Though my heart's in pain
So here without you I lie
Dreaming of what is to come
Hurting deep inside
Without you to hold, my dame
Obsession (July 2nd 2004)
You know I promised to end this
To bar the gates forever
But lately you've been sneaking in
Running amok with my emotions
Why don't I sound the alarm
And banish you from this place
Why don't I tell my loins to forget you
Why don't I run from you
Why do I believe that you can change
Why does my heart cry out to you
Want to know you, comfort you
Let you live in the light
Is this love perhaps, I don't know
I don't claim to know what love is anymore
Nothing is left for me to believe in
So my thoughts turn to you
But even in the midsts of my obsession
I realize still the pain you put me through
Resolve that I shall never again believe
In a future that may not be
So come, kiss me if you will
See perhaps what we are together
No longer do I dream
Of a future that may not be
Absurdity (July 2nd 2004)
Why am I here
What does it all mean
Why do I try
What is real
Why do I suddenly hear
Your voice, more clearly than before
Why do I suddenly see
The pages more distantly
What does it all mean
How absurd life is
Our endless wanderings
Our meaningless struggles
What does it all mean
Which path to take
Does it even matter
When life is over and I am cold
Will what I've done even matter
How absurd it all is
Thinking we mean something
Thinking we can change the world
How absurd to think we can make a difference
Time (July 2nd 2004)
See the hands moving in endless progression
Towards eternity
Feel the grip of time on your chest
Cold icy grip
See the hands move in an endless circle
Rage against them
Feel the frustration for trying to stop this
Stop the circle
Within the circle
Time flies, lovers cry
The moon rises and the sun sets
All is one, one is all
Yet nothing the same
And all is nothing
See the circle
Break the circle
Rage against it
Cold icy grip
The hands move in endless procession
Towards eternity
Rage against it, break down and fight
Fight the cold icy grip
Enough (July 1st, 2004)
No more images haunt me
Nor disturb my peaceful sleep
No more fleeting images in the night
No more lingering daydreams
No more, it is enough
No more tears over you
Or over myself, I wonder
No more devestating self-pity
And wishing for what cannot be
And though my skin crawls
No more quick love
No more jumping ahead
Reaching ahead by a century
No more, it is enough
No more poems of hating me
Of saying I cannot win
No more nights spent despising
Myself and that which makes me me
No more, for it is enough
Betrayal (July 1st, 2004)
You know what lurks inside
A hatred, an anger
A desire (for revenge)
A desire (for the past)
You know of the knife
That twists in my back
Your delicate fingers on the hilt
You, of all people
Oh yes, I see your reason
I see the man beside you
Who can do what I cannot
But you could have spoken
Instead, the knife I see
Now deep inside of me
But it matters not now
I simply do not care
What is betrayal to me now
I, who've seen it before
No, I no longer care
Go, twist the knife again
Want To Be (July 1st 2004)
How do I describe
What I have become
What a paradox I am
How little sense it all makes
See the reflected image
The fine watch and ring to the left
The pentacle to the right
And in the middle, my heart
Know my soul
The desire for culture
the finer things in life
To read, to learn, to love
The desire for violence
In a rage against this life
To rant, to rave, to write
But have no pity
For I would be no other
A paradox I may be
But I am who I want to be
My Wisp of Smoke (July 1st, 2004)
It came during the night
And left soon after dawn
A wisp of smoke in the night
Nothing else
It brought hope from the box
That had brought so much pain
A wisp of smoke in the night
Filled the night with light
It stayed with me all through night
And watched the sun rise with me
Then it left, my wisp of smoke
But left what it had brought behind
Now I seek to replace
The wisp of smoke that came in the night
With something real
But now I have what it left behind
And I think I can finally win
It came during my night
And left soon after my dawn
A wisp of smoke in the night
Oh how it changed my life
Contradiction (July 1st, 2004)
The eternal contradiction
A paradox for all time
Who among thee can know
Can understand the mystery
Can cast some light on the puzzle
Who among thee can see
Can gaze upon this unknown
See the paradox, see the mystery
Admire the light within
Understand the darkness without
The border between the two
Yet the oneness of truth
The eternal contradiction
Can you understand it
Sleepless nights, restful days
Black twistedness, restful days
and inside of all around a part of
the pure goodness of the heart
A paradow for all time
Can you understand it?
Paradox (July 2nd 2004)
Believe in nothing
Have faith in everything
Smile in the night
Frown in the dark
See cheer all around
See darkness in them
Have friends that surround
Be alone in a crowd
Kiss me so tenderly
Love me so roughly
Nibble on my ear
Let blood flow from my neck
Cry all night
Love all day
Be the paradox
No More (July 2nd 2004)
No more will I listen
To the friendly "advice" of friends
What to wear, what to say
What does it matter to me
Dress in black, wear the silver
Speak my mind, be bluntly honest
Listen and eat what I want
No there'll be no stopping me
No more, Rob, no more Bob
No more Robert, no more coward
Now, only Dep
I'll love whom I want
And do what I please
And if Mother and Father don't like
Well, I am not here to please
I am me
Now and forever
I will always be me
No more facade
No more masks
No more hidden faces
I am me
I am Dep
And always will be
Lonely Nights (June 8th 2004)
I miss you
Lonely nights spent dreaming
That you are beside me
Asleep in my arms
So beautiful in the moonlight
I need you
Lonely nights spent wanting
You right beside me
To hold me, reassure me
Yes this is real
I want you
Lonely nights spent dreaming
Of nights full of fantasy
Full of passion, of warmth
Just you and I together
I care for you
Lonely nights spent knowing
You're alone and cold
Wishing I could be there
To warm your heart
I miss you
I need you
I want you
I care for you
You, my dear, my dream
Who grows more dear
With each passing day
What more can I say
Except
I love you
Now and forever
Until the end of time
All through my lonely nights
This is my solemn vow
Here Without You (June 8th, 2004)
Raindrops fall on my pane
As I sit and stare into the rain
Can't conceal my pain
As I dream of my dame
I curse every mile
That lies between us
Even through I smile
I miss you just the same
I cannot bear to wait
Till I lay eyes on you again
Wanting to see if fate
Will let me remain sane
Cursing every mile
Every moment without you
I lie here and smile
Though my heart's in pain
So here without you I lie
Dreaming of what is to come
Hurting deep inside
Without you to hold, my dame
Obsession (July 2nd 2004)
You know I promised to end this
To bar the gates forever
But lately you've been sneaking in
Running amok with my emotions
Why don't I sound the alarm
And banish you from this place
Why don't I tell my loins to forget you
Why don't I run from you
Why do I believe that you can change
Why does my heart cry out to you
Want to know you, comfort you
Let you live in the light
Is this love perhaps, I don't know
I don't claim to know what love is anymore
Nothing is left for me to believe in
So my thoughts turn to you
But even in the midsts of my obsession
I realize still the pain you put me through
Resolve that I shall never again believe
In a future that may not be
So come, kiss me if you will
See perhaps what we are together
No longer do I dream
Of a future that may not be
Absurdity (July 2nd 2004)
Why am I here
What does it all mean
Why do I try
What is real
Why do I suddenly hear
Your voice, more clearly than before
Why do I suddenly see
The pages more distantly
What does it all mean
How absurd life is
Our endless wanderings
Our meaningless struggles
What does it all mean
Which path to take
Does it even matter
When life is over and I am cold
Will what I've done even matter
How absurd it all is
Thinking we mean something
Thinking we can change the world
How absurd to think we can make a difference
Time (July 2nd 2004)
See the hands moving in endless progression
Towards eternity
Feel the grip of time on your chest
Cold icy grip
See the hands move in an endless circle
Rage against them
Feel the frustration for trying to stop this
Stop the circle
Within the circle
Time flies, lovers cry
The moon rises and the sun sets
All is one, one is all
Yet nothing the same
And all is nothing
See the circle
Break the circle
Rage against it
Cold icy grip
The hands move in endless procession
Towards eternity
Rage against it, break down and fight
Fight the cold icy grip
Enough (July 1st, 2004)
No more images haunt me
Nor disturb my peaceful sleep
No more fleeting images in the night
No more lingering daydreams
No more, it is enough
No more tears over you
Or over myself, I wonder
No more devestating self-pity
And wishing for what cannot be
And though my skin crawls
No more quick love
No more jumping ahead
Reaching ahead by a century
No more, it is enough
No more poems of hating me
Of saying I cannot win
No more nights spent despising
Myself and that which makes me me
No more, for it is enough
Betrayal (July 1st, 2004)
You know what lurks inside
A hatred, an anger
A desire (for revenge)
A desire (for the past)
You know of the knife
That twists in my back
Your delicate fingers on the hilt
You, of all people
Oh yes, I see your reason
I see the man beside you
Who can do what I cannot
But you could have spoken
Instead, the knife I see
Now deep inside of me
But it matters not now
I simply do not care
What is betrayal to me now
I, who've seen it before
No, I no longer care
Go, twist the knife again
Want To Be (July 1st 2004)
How do I describe
What I have become
What a paradox I am
How little sense it all makes
See the reflected image
The fine watch and ring to the left
The pentacle to the right
And in the middle, my heart
Know my soul
The desire for culture
the finer things in life
To read, to learn, to love
The desire for violence
In a rage against this life
To rant, to rave, to write
But have no pity
For I would be no other
A paradox I may be
But I am who I want to be
My Wisp of Smoke (July 1st, 2004)
It came during the night
And left soon after dawn
A wisp of smoke in the night
Nothing else
It brought hope from the box
That had brought so much pain
A wisp of smoke in the night
Filled the night with light
It stayed with me all through night
And watched the sun rise with me
Then it left, my wisp of smoke
But left what it had brought behind
Now I seek to replace
The wisp of smoke that came in the night
With something real
But now I have what it left behind
And I think I can finally win
It came during my night
And left soon after my dawn
A wisp of smoke in the night
Oh how it changed my life
Contradiction (July 1st, 2004)
The eternal contradiction
A paradox for all time
Who among thee can know
Can understand the mystery
Can cast some light on the puzzle
Who among thee can see
Can gaze upon this unknown
See the paradox, see the mystery
Admire the light within
Understand the darkness without
The border between the two
Yet the oneness of truth
The eternal contradiction
Can you understand it
Sleepless nights, restful days
Black twistedness, restful days
and inside of all around a part of
the pure goodness of the heart
A paradow for all time
Can you understand it?
Paradox (July 2nd 2004)
Believe in nothing
Have faith in everything
Smile in the night
Frown in the dark
See cheer all around
See darkness in them
Have friends that surround
Be alone in a crowd
Kiss me so tenderly
Love me so roughly
Nibble on my ear
Let blood flow from my neck
Cry all night
Love all day
Be the paradox
No More (July 2nd 2004)
No more will I listen
To the friendly "advice" of friends
What to wear, what to say
What does it matter to me
Dress in black, wear the silver
Speak my mind, be bluntly honest
Listen and eat what I want
No there'll be no stopping me
No more, Rob, no more Bob
No more Robert, no more coward
Now, only Dep
I'll love whom I want
And do what I please
And if Mother and Father don't like
Well, I am not here to please
I am me
Now and forever
I will always be me
No more facade
No more masks
No more hidden faces
I am me
I am Dep
And always will be
